


Council of War

by Reynier



Category: Arthurian Literature - Fandom, Arthurian Mythology
Genre: Comedy, M/M, POV Outsider, all i can write is priamus now im love him, happy end of freshman year to lou!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24027034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reynier/pseuds/Reynier
Summary: Priamus breaks it to his men that they're betraying Emperor Lucius.
Relationships: Gawain/Priamus
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: Arthurian_Server_Squad





	Council of War

**Author's Note:**

  * For [secace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secace/gifts).



> YOU SURVIVED BRO

Sir Gerald had seen many things during his time as second-in-command to His Grace King Priamus of Egypt and Greece. He had seen multiple rains of amphibians, several festival afterparties which he did _not_ intend to observe, and had even, on one memorable occasion, had to rescue his king from the dungeon of a rival general. The fact that his king had not seemed entirely happy to be rescued was entirely lost on him, and so he continued to float blamelessly from battle to battle and provide aimless small-talk of the aristocratic variety. 

This, however, was new. King Priamus stood in the council pavilion, his hair slightly mussed and his armour askew, and passed a wineskin from hand to hand. "Well, men," he announced, "we're betraying Rome."

"What?" said Gerald.

"We're betraying Rome. Hop to it. Let's really lean into this whole treason thing."

"We can't betray Rome," Gerald pointed out reasonably, "we swore allegiance to them."

King Priamus grinned. "I know," he said, then paused. He took a dip swig of wine, rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand, and continued. "So, we're betraying him. He's boring and I don't like him. I'm the only king of Egypt around these parts. He can keep Greece, I don't care much for it, but Egypt is mine. And yours," he added charitably.

"Thank you, sire." Gerald raised his hand in an attempt to be extraneously polite. He glanced at his fellow generals. Why weren't any of them saying anything? "But Lucius will retaliate. He will burn our people and kill our fields."

Another swig of wine. King Priamus raised a finger and put it slightly too close to Gerald's nose. "You," he said, "are a very decent soldier and give very decent advice. You also say weird things and I don't know how to feel about that so I've elected to ignore you." 

"Please don't." 

"Aha! I’m king, you see. I can do whatever I want." 

Gerald's colleague General Lugh nodded enthusiastically. "Anything." 

"You're not helping," said Gerald.

“General Gerald,” the king said, taking one step forward. He didn’t look entirely in the right form of mind. “Lugh is helping greatly. He understands the plan. The plan is to betray Rome. Does anyone else have any problems with the plan?”

No one raised their hand other than Gerald. They were probably too busy noting the rather extreme degree to which the king’s shirt was unbuttoned. 

“Great!” said Priamus. “Alright, everyone, here’s the plan. General Allius. You’re in charge. You have absolutely no instructions because the plan is to not do any of the things we were supposed to do. Instead we will stay here and have fun. There is absolutely nothing we need to do.”

“What about feeding the troops?”

“Gerald,” the king drawled. He looked as though he had other things he would rather be doing than explaining the particulars of high treason to his generals. “Why are you like this? Of course we’ll feed the troops. Oh, also, we’re teaming up with the Celts now.”

There were some blank stares. “The who?”

“Don’t know. It is my understanding that they’re a group of incredibly attractive and extremely enthusiastic unhinged murderers.”

Among the collected generals a brief bout of intense mental stress occurred. Finally one of them made the connection. “Wait,” said General Isidore, sounding out the word slowly, “aren’t the Celts the ones who are invading Rome?”

Priamus and Gerald shared a look that said: _we have different goals for this family. We have different values and mindsets. But we may be the only people here who have a mind at all._ “Yes…” sighed Priamus. “Yes, those are the ones. That’s why I’m talking about betraying Lucius. Because we shall emerge from this war bedfellows with the enemy, aka the Celts. That’s the point, Isidore.”

“Oh.” General Isidore blinked a bit. He was easily distracted by anything the king did, such as lean dramatically on the table and glare down at him through thick black bangs. “Alright, then.”

“Well, that’s that, then.” King Priamus pushed himself off the table and deposited the mostly-empty wineskin in Gerald’s hands. “Have fun, everyone. Except General Allius, because you are in charge so the rest of us can have fun. Dismissed, men!”

Bemused, the attendees ambled out of the canvas tent, chattering amongst them. They were not particularly intelligent men, Gerald knew. He was not a particularly intelligent man either, but at least he was self-aware. Once the others had left, he stepped up to the king and gripped him on the shoulder. “Sire,” he said, “this is foolishness.”

“I know, Sir Gerald--”

“This is a bad decision and I’m concerned about your motives.”

“Yes, yes.” The king rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes, I know. I know, Gerald. I know it’s a bad idea.”

“Then I think you owe it to yourself to think about why you’re making it.”

“Do I? Do I, Gerald?”

Gerald waited. 

“I guess…” the king groaned. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. Look, I’m _bored_. Being king was fun for a while, right?”

Being king appeared to be very fun indeed for a given definition of ‘fun’ which did not incorporate many of the more traditional attributes of kingship, like paying attention to taxes. “I’m sure, sire.”

“But now it’s just… well, Lucius points me at a peripheral territory and says ‘go fetch,’ so we all tramp off and do some good invading and then go back to court and the whole process repeats again every summer. And I’m in charge of everything! I get the idea, right? I know how to do it by now. So I want something new.”

Gerald waited again. 

“I met a very attractive man in a field and fought him a bit and then he said I should drop by the Round Table if I ever wanted some real excitement,” the king admitted. 

“That sounds like a bad idea, sire.”

“Whatever!” said King Priamus. “It might be a bad idea but at least it’s a pleasurable one. Anyway, once this all blows over, I’m off to Wales. Have fun with the army.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Do you want the army?”

“I’m not your heir!” Gerald pointed out desperately. “You don’t have an heir but it’s definitely not me!”

“Do you want to be my heir?”

“No! I don’t think it’s ethical.” At Priamus’ blank stare, he continued. “Considering we’ve slept together, it’s not equitable to let me inherit the _entire kingdom of Egypt and Greece._ ”

“Oh, calm down,” said King Priamus, turning away and rummaging around on the table for something else to drink. “The two things are definitely not related. I promise, no one would give you a kingdom for your skills in bed.”

“That’s very rude.”

He looked somewhat bashful. “I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, Gerald. I’m sorry. It’s not entirely true either, but-- onwards and upwards, yes? Come on. Let’s go betray Rome.”

“Fine,” said Gerald. There was never anything to be done. 

“Well?” said Sir Gawain of Orkney and Lothian, once General Gerald had left. It turned out he was very good at hiding behind pieces of furniture. “I thought that went remarkably well.”

“Yes,” said Priamus. Life was looking up. 


End file.
